I want to know where it all started
where it all ended
where it all just melted into this never-ending something that never really began in the first place
I want to know the exact moment your attraction progressed into a feeling
the moment that feeling turned into a need
the moment you felt that need made you weak
and the moment you let go of that weakness
Cus see, I never really understood your process
since mine was completely different, or maybe just felt different
though in reality it was all the same
Cus see, my attraction turned into a feeling
which in turn grew into a need
and that need made me the weakest person alive
Cus see, that need was the inevitable side effect of love
and that need led me to believe I couldn’t be without you
and that need actually led me to need you
and follow behind your shadow everywhere it went
Cus, see that darker version of yourself surely got closer than I ever did
even if the sun wasn’t out and all the city lights were cut off
even if shadows didn’t exist
But that was okay for me; the words you once said were still fresh in my memory
and they were there to caress my fears and blind them
they were there to convince me of the need you claimed you once had for me
And I’m not sure if it was you who slowly sipped the sweetness from my soul
or your words who came and gulped down the rest of who I was
or the thoughts of you who later intruded my already dying heart like they were vicious cancer cells
Cus see, somewhere along those lines my conscience died
as my sense of hope thrived to the sound of your voice when you lied
me not knowing the difference between genuineness and manipulation
Cus see, you knew how to make it all sound the same
or maybe you knew how to sing different tunes to the same old melody
or maybe you never tried to hide it; I did the hiding for you
Cus see, maybe I was the manipulator of myself
or maybe it was the part of me that made it inevitable for me to fall in love with beautiful people
or maybe it was the part of you that made me believe you were a beautiful person
Cus see what made me fall in love wasn’t your appearance or the way you spoke
it was the way you held me and the warmth i felt on my skin when you did
like the way a newly lit candle feels when you hover your hand a couple inches over the flame
after being cold for too long
But after a short while it was like I had fallen asleep right next to that burning wick
and my terrible sleeping habits just couldn’t hold off for one night
and i knocked that flame straight into my lap and still… refused to wake up
It was like knowing I was going to die anyways so I chose not to fight
chose not to give myself the hope that I could get out of this
since I had already convinced myself that I couldn’t
Cus see, love and hurt come hand in hand, with one comes the inevitable other
so instead of trying to fight it, I ripped my own chest open to give you everything I was willing to give
and though you promised to give me yourself in return
you actually never gave me anything at all, just the memories that soon faded into oblivion
just like your words that passed away with every second of the day and you know what’s funny
I don’t even know what you sound like when you lie anymore
only the way it feels to be a pile of ashes blown away by you since I was like a piece of paper too weak to stay on fire and keep the house warm for you
just the way you like it...
Author Bio:
Isa Mari is a 19-year old poet, aspiring to release her overwhelming emotions through written word. She is currently diagnosed with three mental illnesses, including PTSD. The poetry she writes expresses her views on love, and life. Though her poetry is very personal, she has a need to share it. Her poetry does not only apply to those with mental illness, but to anyone who connects with similar emotions. She hopes to make a difference in someone’s life.
where it all ended
where it all just melted into this never-ending something that never really began in the first place
I want to know the exact moment your attraction progressed into a feeling
the moment that feeling turned into a need
the moment you felt that need made you weak
and the moment you let go of that weakness
Cus see, I never really understood your process
since mine was completely different, or maybe just felt different
though in reality it was all the same
Cus see, my attraction turned into a feeling
which in turn grew into a need
and that need made me the weakest person alive
Cus see, that need was the inevitable side effect of love
and that need led me to believe I couldn’t be without you
and that need actually led me to need you
and follow behind your shadow everywhere it went
Cus, see that darker version of yourself surely got closer than I ever did
even if the sun wasn’t out and all the city lights were cut off
even if shadows didn’t exist
But that was okay for me; the words you once said were still fresh in my memory
and they were there to caress my fears and blind them
they were there to convince me of the need you claimed you once had for me
And I’m not sure if it was you who slowly sipped the sweetness from my soul
or your words who came and gulped down the rest of who I was
or the thoughts of you who later intruded my already dying heart like they were vicious cancer cells
Cus see, somewhere along those lines my conscience died
as my sense of hope thrived to the sound of your voice when you lied
me not knowing the difference between genuineness and manipulation
Cus see, you knew how to make it all sound the same
or maybe you knew how to sing different tunes to the same old melody
or maybe you never tried to hide it; I did the hiding for you
Cus see, maybe I was the manipulator of myself
or maybe it was the part of me that made it inevitable for me to fall in love with beautiful people
or maybe it was the part of you that made me believe you were a beautiful person
Cus see what made me fall in love wasn’t your appearance or the way you spoke
it was the way you held me and the warmth i felt on my skin when you did
like the way a newly lit candle feels when you hover your hand a couple inches over the flame
after being cold for too long
But after a short while it was like I had fallen asleep right next to that burning wick
and my terrible sleeping habits just couldn’t hold off for one night
and i knocked that flame straight into my lap and still… refused to wake up
It was like knowing I was going to die anyways so I chose not to fight
chose not to give myself the hope that I could get out of this
since I had already convinced myself that I couldn’t
Cus see, love and hurt come hand in hand, with one comes the inevitable other
so instead of trying to fight it, I ripped my own chest open to give you everything I was willing to give
and though you promised to give me yourself in return
you actually never gave me anything at all, just the memories that soon faded into oblivion
just like your words that passed away with every second of the day and you know what’s funny
I don’t even know what you sound like when you lie anymore
only the way it feels to be a pile of ashes blown away by you since I was like a piece of paper too weak to stay on fire and keep the house warm for you
just the way you like it...
Author Bio:
Isa Mari is a 19-year old poet, aspiring to release her overwhelming emotions through written word. She is currently diagnosed with three mental illnesses, including PTSD. The poetry she writes expresses her views on love, and life. Though her poetry is very personal, she has a need to share it. Her poetry does not only apply to those with mental illness, but to anyone who connects with similar emotions. She hopes to make a difference in someone’s life.
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