Almost 5 years ago I let someone in, someone in my life that had me wheeled in.
He told me he loved me and made sure I'll always be okay.
My family was in love with him, I felt I had to stay.
It started with one pill that made me think,"
you got this Paula, happiness is on its way."
Years have passed and instead of the smiles
I would get high in bathrooms to make people think
she has everything she wanted.
I put on an act and decided that I had to leave my house,
which is what they would of wanted.
I went to the boy who promised me the world.
He told me just try it you'll fall in love.
The rush that I felt I will never forget.
I thought I wanted him but the drugs pulled me in.
At first it was great and I will never forget
saying I won't be addicted. Days past then years
then I ended up alone, waiting for him for the county call.
I'm sober I'm fine I'm great I would say,
while having a needle in my arms crying my life away.
Stayed away from my family so they wouldn't know,
but things became different when I wouldn't show.
One day my dad said go ahead tell me the truth
and I'll understand. I told him the truth, he told me he will help,
but leave the boy who got me into this mess.
Feeling the symptoms of withdrawal pushed me toward that boy even more.
I wanted to be clean, I wanted to feel but at that time it was just a dream.
My parents became strangers soon enough expecting a knock telling them,
"She won't wake up."
Dead or alive they already knew they had lost their daughter
and there's nothing they could do.
As money kept coming into my life slowly,
my boyfriend and I had to think how to get more.
Selling my body was never an option, so I would do people wrong,
which always did me right.
Kept saying to myself, it's almost over, soon you'll lose this fight.
Day-by-day you keep saying I'm done,
looking in the mirror at this creature you've become.
Hoping tomorrow you just won't wake up,
because it's better then fighting another reckless day.
8 bags In the needle and the first time I prayed,
asking, begging please God take me away.
Waking up in the morning had to be the worst,
the shivers, the puking, actually having to feel.
I became a monster that I created.
First time getting thoughts, I need to get out of this fucked up world.
As I saw my sister’s face when she saw this person dying
she begged and pleaded for me to stop lying.
She believed I could get out and did everything
she could but when your high you don't have any emotions.
I walked away. It wasn't hard at all.
Looking back today there are things I can't fix
but sobriety is always going to stick.
This disease or addiction whatever you wanna call it
I'm one of those lucky ones that was able to get off it.
23-year-old female dealing with addiction to heroin for 5 years