I don’t even wish
to touch them as they sit at the apogee of the attic
They are full of mendacity, full of capacity that is within old
beauties. I am just a looker
at this mutant snow that drifts startlingly, no warning
of a rain hungering to wash it all away.
There is a nebula in their bodies, a cloudy eyeballing
for freedom not found— voicelessness.
The light of the stars—it is in their stockpile
the artistry of life span—the imbroglio--
the violence—of sorrow until they learn
the most beautiful, the most massive are first
in show, yet may never reach the life they love.
Beyond light. All skylark and Saturnalia, oh, in the sun I cry. I rupture
because of you and the trophy day under 80 degrees reeks to high
heaven against the hideous fortress I’ve been allocated and all
the laudable luminosity left to mock a girlhood I might have had--
not the one which took me violently, a seascape
goat, the word mother a dirty word, all voice and murk,
all needling and little-girl light thrown back in the purling water
like a dirty fish not bright enough to earn Jolly
Ranchers in sweet watermelon suck. Mother, made a me, treacherously.
In the end, they say, G-d is light, light is coming for me, and I worry--
This time will light take sides with the lambent one, or the husband
and his dirty diorama, the one who sows blows and sabotages all light?
Who refuses to glow in my presence when I’d finally worked
myself up to knowing I was a gift.
Nanette Rayman is the first winner of the Glass Woman Prize for writing. She has two poetry books published: Shana Linda, Pretty Pretty and Project: Butterflies from Foothills Publishing. Nominated for two Pushcart Prizes, she has published in The Worcester Review, The Berkeley Fiction Review, gargoyle, Pedestal, magnolia, Oranges & Sardines, up the staircase featured writer, Arsenic Lobster, Red Ochre Literature, Stirring’s Steamiest Six, carte blanche, Wilderness House Literary Review, deComp, grasslilmb, Arsenic Lobster, Prick of the Spindle, Carousel and Sugar House Review where her poem, One Potato, Two, was mentioned in Newpages.com. A story was included in DZANC Books Best of the Web 2010 and a poem, “Shoes” was included in Best of the Net Anthology 2007. Her poem, “hope” was nominated for Best of the Net Anthology by Glass Journal. A portion of a one act play she wrote was performed for her in Israel in 2013. She attended Circle in the Square Theatre School and the New School. She has performed in many off off Broadway shows.