Letter to a Boy~ By Rayna Yu

I’m not good with words
So here’s what other people said

My father said
You were 
Selfish to hurt your family
Weak to end your life 
When you hadn’t yet started it
My friends said 
You were 
Troubled
Nobody could have seen what was coming
Nobody could have helped
I didn’t say much

I’m not sad
Should I be?
You were
Only a quiet boy in gym class
Not cute enough to date
Paler than a bowl of milk
Held yourself like no one else wanted to
Didn’t mean much to me

Tonight I lie awake when I should be sleeping
Damp haired from my shower
The night orchestra of crickets and birds plays a
Cacophonous song of chirps and whistles
I think about you

And I’m not sad but 
There is a space where my stomach should be
What you are and what you were and what you could have been
Flutter around my head like moths and
Murmur into my hair
Ghosts aren’t real but I am haunted

I should have grabbed you 
Screamed into your face
Shaken some sense into your bony shoulders
That now slump into themselves, and turn to dirt

I’m not good with words but
I should have spoken


Author Bio:
Rayna Yu is a violinist and writer who lives in Virginia. In her spare time, she works on her young adult fantasy novel and plays with her cat. Rayna currently attends Colonial Forge High School.