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ABCs of My ED~ By Catherine Culver

12/15/2020

3 Comments

 
Acutely aware I could just drop
Beyond belief in grace or faith
Comfort, ever faint, appearing like a tyrant
Defiance defined as greater than risk
Existence a bleak chore, yet here I stand
Fierce and Focused and too frightened to fight

Gentle and gracious upon her birth and growth
Horrendous as harassment hits home
Incapable of empathy, my demon inside
Juxtaposition of safe home and battle
King of cruelty, kindred spirit of pain
Limiting my grasp on reality
Mindless and morose, my soul stands muted

No songs, no stillness, no speaking my mind
Only ever presentation of controlled strength
Pristine perfection and absolute dignity
Quiet the emotions, validity aside
Restrict with wild abandon, begrudge her none
Silence the cues, suffocated by apparent weakness
Trust the tales she tells through the night

Undeserving of any and everything, so she says
Vastly unwilling to commit, I fail her
Wishes to meet lofty expectations whispered on wind
X is my goal, I seek to shrink, maintain, earn
Yearning for acceptance, striving to please
Zealous adoration of my maladaptive disease


Author Bio:
Catherine is a new writer from Colorado Springs, Colorado. She has written silently through the tumultuous affair of mental illness. Recently, having gained the higher ground against an eating disorder, Catherine has decided to speak openly of her battles.
3 Comments
Joanna
12/20/2020 04:32:13 pm

Absolutely stunning and relatable. Well done!

Reply
Mary
12/21/2020 12:04:12 am

Thank you for being courageous enough to tell this battle in such a brilliant format. You are quiet but fierce, please don’t stop the fight or the write of it!

Reply
Jay M
12/8/2021 12:41:00 am

Very strange

Reply



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